Sex, Dating, and Ignorance

28 days: Day 7

NOVEL WORD COUNT: 112, 730

Have you ever wondered why so many fantasy characters know very little about sex? I'm talking about Epic fantasists now, like Tolkien and Jordan and Goodkind. (George R Martin writes high fantasy, a different genre that is far more 'realism' oriented) I mean, the main characters are either idiots when it comes to the opposite sex, or not that interested. (Tolkien) In our culture, it seems gratuitous perhaps to have teenage characters who bumble around with these crazy notions of romance like those mythologized in the 1950's, when everything was supposedly innocent. The 'innocence' of the 1950's is a myth, of course, but Epic fantasy writers are not interested in creating realism, but rather showcasing the time in our lives when we are ignorant of sex, and when our notions of it are silly, idealistic and occasionally, romantic. The time right around puberty when we experience all of the things that characterize early adolescence.

Epic fantasies, at least most of them, are working within the parameters of medieval times when the awkward age would have come much later for men and women. (The age of puberty has dropped greatly the past 100 years, due mostly to the food we eat and the resulting shift in our hormones.) In Forerunner, Josh is eighteen and awkward around girls. (Especially one) Although he's past puberty, he was raised in a small village and did not have much contact with girls. As a result, he's something of an idiot – and a romantic – when it comes to women. I'll be honest, this awkwardness is not difficult for me to write. I remember it very well. And when Josh tells me he's frustrated over not being "cool", I understand.

When I was in Grade Six, I liked this girl, Kathy, for four years. I could barely speak when I was around her. (And she's now a friend on Facebook. Go figure.) In fact, I had trouble speaking around girls, period. Getting braces in Grade 8, long before it was cool, did not help. That said, I still regarded women romantically. I was past puberty, but I didn't view them through the lens of sex. When the pretty girls were around I became nervous and said silly things, things I always wanted to take back when I went home. Safe in my room, I would replay the conversations in my head and then say the cool thing, imagine them nodding at me in appreciation for my wit and overall coolness.

Today, many cultural critics decry our lost 'innocence', they note that children are too mature and too sexed. Some of that is true. I don't like seeing seven year old girls doing a sexy dance or wearing 'slut' clothes. (I also don't like 'modest wear' for women either, but I digress) But that time of nervousness and ignorance still exists however, it just does so at a different age and in a different way. Puberty is still puberty. Observe a bunch of eleven or twelve year olds at a school dance, and you will find the same butterflies and nervousness and silly comments that we delivered during our own spring dances.

Towards that end, the idea of fantasy is not to recall what the current society has lost, (because no society has ever been guilt free) but to create a world that reflects both our ideals and our humanity. A good fantasy reminds us that the first time we went through the awkward phase we were aiming towards something bigger than ourselves. And a good fantasy reminds us that we can always go back. That we can always start over. Speculative fiction is as much about recreating our childhood as it is reliving it, in the hopes that when we fulfill the quest, when we finish the journey, we will remember the awkward dreams of our childhood. That we'll remember and come out on the other side just a little bit changed, formed the way we always imagined we would be when we were young. And innocent.

-Steve

God as a Woman?

NOVEL WORD COUNT: 111,313

28 days: Day 6

Psychologists and theologians tell us that our first impression of God is our (human) father. This is especially true in monotheistic traditions, where God is depicted as male. The question, one often ignored, is whether or not this is a good thing.

The problem with the 'father' association is especially poignant in abusive homes, where many children grow up with an image of God that is harsh and cruel. No wonder those individuals have difficulty believing in a loving Creator. Frankly, I've never understood why certain Christians insist on the maleness of God. Their insistence that God, in both the Old Testament and New Testament, chose to be known as male, seems both patriarchal and self-serving. It's here that we see one of the many logistical holes when we take the Bible literally, how we actually diminish Scripture by insisting on a meaning without cultural context. For one thing, Israel's concept of God was radically different than our own, particularly expressed by the idea that Yahweh was 'kadosh', or Holy Other. The Creator was Holy Other than humanity. For the Israelites, YHWH could never be compared to their human father.

In Forerunner, the Creator's identity is primarily feminine. The characters always refer to "Her." After so many months of living in this world, it has become increasingly natural for me. Now for most believers, we understand intellectually that God is neither male nor female, that it is merely a reference point (and yes, I know Jesus was a man) but the implications of our association have been, in many cases, highly destructive. What if we thought of God as our Mother? It neither changes the character or substance of God if we do, and yet it completely alters how we think about God, doesn't it?. If we thought of God as Mother, would we be able to so easily justify the religious wars and violence as we have throughout our history? If we thought of God as Mother, would our first instinct, the instinct of fundamentalists, be to remind people that they are sinners and that God is holy and righteous and wrathful?

The process of writing this novel has altered my ideas about God, and how our perception can be so easily changed by simply changing the gender reference point that we have all grown accustomed to.

Consider this: Studies have shown that complimentarianism, the dominant view of the family throughout the history of the church, leads to more family violence than any other worldview. The patriarchal ideals, the ones preached by men like John Piper and James Dobson, are responsible for widespread abuse, abuse that makes it difficult for many people to reconcile the idea of a loving God with such a nasty father. And yet, those same individuals and churches would be the ones least likely to consider altering our reference point by referring to the Creator as "she". (For the record, I would never use the word 'goddess', which is a misogynistic term that immediately implies 'the female version of the real (male) version'. It's the same reason I refuse to use the term 'actress.')

And yet, after saying all that, it's only through the writing of this book that I have become comfortable with addressing God as 'she'. It just goes to show you, no matter how much we talk about change, it's still uncomfortable, if only because it forces us to address things we thought we'd already worked out.

-Steve

Bracing the Darkness... begins

28 Days: Day 4

It was nearly two months ago when my wife pointed out the small library tucked behind the shopping centre near our home. She mentioned it again a week ago when I complained about my inability to get a seat at two of the local Starbucks to write. I wasn't excited by the possibility. I'd tried working in libraries before, and it had always proved difficult. Unlike most cafes, they're filled with children and young teenagers. As a former youth worker, I love kids, but in most libraries they are very loud and very annoying. I'm tempted to say that kids today are more rude than they were when I was young, but we adults have a tendency to forget just how loud and annoying we were. Kids are kids. Anyway, she convinced me to take a look, and sure enough, it was a particularly tiny branch, with three small sections of tables divided by shelves of books over a single floor. It did however, have quite a few electrical outlets, a necessity for my 1999 laptop, and a cozy feel to it. The red brick and maples out front only made it feel smaller, which I liked. It has become my new writing spot. And so here I am, tucked away in the back corner behind the rotating shelf reserved for teen fiction. The hum of conversation is distant and mingles with the sound of turning pages. It feels like home.

The 28 day experiment has become a fascinating experience for me, if only because I can't recall being this focused. In the words of my wife, I tend to "flit from one thing to another." A blog, an article, a book, my research. Sometimes having a number of interests can be a curse, as I am easily distracted by any number of things. Which is why I can't go home. The lure of the internet (my laptop is too old and not equipped to handle it) and the bed and sometimes television means the writing must happen away from such temptations. These days, I am particularly hooked on Facebook, and if you're unfamiliar with the social networking site, feel free to look it up. But be warned. It's addictive. Especially when your tendencies lie towards discussion and discourse. From politics to religion to health care to sports, the only way for me to ignore that particular siren is to stay far away from her shores.

On the positive side, those discussions allow me a glimpse into the workings of human tendencies, especially my own. And when it comes to various topics, especially politics and religion, it never ceases to amaze me how involved and passionate they become, how the rhetoric so easily leads to personal attacks. How is this positive? Well, when you write speculative fiction, you're responsible for world creation. My novel is set in the late 13^th Century (comparatively, as it is a different world) and it is dominated by the Cursh Empire, built through the centuries by the spread of its church. A single country, Dioneysia, has managed to maintain its independence. The politics and governance of those two entities, along with the number of small communities that exist as either part of or separate to the larger ones, means that the issues and discussions on a forum like Facebook inevitably find themselves played out in my work. People have not changed, and while the issues change as our culture changes, the mind sets and systems stay remarkably the same.

This past week I was involved in what became a rather heated exchange on Facebook. I was so upset that I took a day to think about what had upset me and why the discussion had escalated. I realized, rather belatedly, that while my views had changed over the years, I was still stuck on proving that my system, my ideology, was the correct one. And so while the content of my beliefs had changed, the style had remained the same. It was a disheartening revelation. An apology followed, ending the discussion, though it did little to ease my frustration for my inability to see the forest.

In writing Forerunner, I have discovered characters with whom I disagree greatly, characters that I wish would just "grow up." That they can not and will not speaks not to their immaturity, necessarily, but to their humanity. Recent neurological studies have helped us in this manner, by revealing just how soothing certainty is, and perhaps revealing why Pundocrats like Ann Coulter can be at once so polarizing and so popular. Life is uncertain, and it is difficult to live peacefully when we can never be sure of anything. Perhaps that's why so many of us are angry or depressed, or get so easily wrapped up in a rhetoric that ultimately becomes personal.

Josh (my main character) stands in a unique position. Raised in a country home by powerful parents who gave up much to affect change, they unwittingly forced him to live a lie, although they consistently reinforced the importance of truth. In fact, the Bishop (Josh's father) risked exile in publishing one of his works, which the Church considered heretical. And yet now, Josh stands alone, pushed forward by those who believe that he stands in the gap between the Creator and Her creation. Everyone knows what is right for him, what is true. But in Josh's experience, truth is the playpen of our own ego. Everyone thinks that they're right and everyone can prove it. Yet his desire for the best in those around him leads him to the confounding ideals of conflicting systems, all of which promise certainty. All of which have large holes in which some people are favoured above others, holes where the system becomes blind. No matter where he turns, equality remains nothing more than a hopeless ideal.

The path Josh takes is the one we all take, I think, in our search for ultimate truth. The search for a system that provides answers for the brokeness of our species. I am unsure how his journey will end just yet, he has not shown me, but how we handle the balance between our frailty and our ideals is something we can all relate to, if only because it is the essence of being human.

-Steve